The Smelly Beast

by Onyx, Void Creature, Reluctant Witness, Keeper of the List

The universe presented me with a trial.
Not a noble trial.
Not a character‑building trial.
A smelly one.

Its name is Izzy.
Mark's beast.
The Barking Elemental.
The Damp One.

It began its assault from the yard -
barking and barking until the humans, weak of will and soft of boundary,
opened the door.
And just like that, the Beast crossed into my domain.

The air shifted.
The house dimmed.
My whiskers detected the betrayal before my eyes confirmed it.

Because I know that scent.
My human brings it home sometimes -
after leaving the house for far too long.
A scent of chaos.
Of unrefined enthusiasm.
Of DOG.

But today…
the source itself was here.

I approached with the dignity of a cosmic scholar.
I had never encountered a dog of this magnitude inside my realm.
I needed to observe.
To study.
To judge.

I got within three feet.

It turned its head.
Looked at me.
And in that moment, emitted a single, catastrophic thought:
"HIII!!!"

I puffed.
I hissed.
I departed.
Not out of fear -
but out of principle.

The Beast had spoken.
And what it said was unforgivable.

From behind the recliner, I watched it.
Existing.
Breathing.
Sitting on its human like it thinks it IS one!

Mark, the Bringer of Chaos, acted as if this were normal.
He laughed.
He encouraged the Beast.
He is now on my list.

When it finally left, I emerged to reclaim what was mine.

I inspected the couch where it and its human sat.
I sat on it.
I glared at the door it entered through.
I glared toward the origin of it and its human.
I glared at the universe.

Then I occupied several "forbidden" surfaces,
as is my right during post‑incident recalibration.

Balance was restored only when I cleansed the house
with my presence,
my judgment,
and my superior scent.

I forgive no one.
But I will allow the household to continue under my supervision.

For now.

If you have survived this account and wish to continue your studies:

On matters of acceptable evening rituals: The Light I Love... for five flicks
On matters of my human's whereabouts and, I will admit, adequate taste: Eleven Offerings, One Afternoon at Pure Vibes

You are dismissed.